How Does Therapy Help a Personality Disorder?

Living with a personality disorder can feel like you have no emotional skin. A small comment from a friend or a change in plans can trigger intense pain, panic, or anger that feels completely overwhelming. This emotional vulnerability makes daily life feel like a minefield, where you’re constantly bracing for the next hit. It’s an exhausting way to live, and it can leave you feeling isolated and misunderstood. So, how can therapy help someone living with a personality disorder? It’s not about growing a thicker skin, but about learning how to soothe your own nervous system and manage these intense feelings, giving you a sense of stability and control.

Key Takeaways

• Recognize it’s a condition, not a flaw: A personality disorder is defined by rigid patterns of thinking and feeling that cause distress. Understanding this is the first step, as these patterns are treatable with professional guidance.
• Therapy provides practical tools for change: Effective treatments like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) teach you concrete skills. You can learn to regulate overwhelming emotions, identify triggers, and develop healthier ways of responding to stress.
• Find the right therapist and support system: Your connection with your therapist is vital, so look for someone with specialized experience who you trust. Involving loved ones by helping them understand your experience also builds a strong foundation for recovery.

What is a personality disorder?

When we talk about personality, we’re usually talking about the unique mix of traits, thoughts, and behaviors that makes you, you. But for some people, certain long-term patterns of thinking, feeling, and relating to others are so rigid and different from the average person that they cause significant problems and distress. This is what defines a personality disorder. It’s not about having a few quirks; it’s a mental health condition where your way of seeing and interacting with the world consistently makes life difficult for you and sometimes for those around you.

These patterns are pervasive, meaning they show up in almost every area of life, from work and friendships to romantic relationships. They often begin in the teenage years or early adulthood and remain stable over time. Think of it like trying to see the world through a pair of glasses with the wrong prescription. Everything can look distorted, making it hard to interpret situations and other people’s intentions accurately. This can lead to a lot of confusion, pain, and conflict. Understanding that these are deep-seated patterns, not choices, is the first step toward compassion for yourself and finding a path forward with psychotherapy.

What are the common types?

Personality disorders are grouped into different types, each with its own set of characteristics. While there are several, a couple of examples can help paint a clearer picture. One well-known type is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), where individuals often experience intense and unstable emotions, have a deep-seated fear of being abandoned, and may struggle with impulsive actions. Their relationships can feel like a rollercoaster, swinging between extreme closeness and conflict.

Another example involves having antisocial personality traits. Someone with these traits might find it hard to control their anger, get frustrated easily, and act aggressively. They may have a pattern of disregarding the feelings or rights of others and often blame other people for the problems they face. These are just two examples, and the symptoms can vary widely. A mental health professional can help make sense of these troubled thoughts and behaviors.

How are personality disorders diagnosed?

Getting a diagnosis for a personality disorder is a careful and thorough process. It’s not something you can figure out from an online quiz. A diagnosis can only be made by a qualified mental health professional, like a therapist or psychiatrist, after a comprehensive evaluation. This often involves in-depth conversations about your history, your patterns of thinking and behaving, and the challenges you’re facing in your life.

It’s also helpful to know that the way experts diagnose these conditions is evolving. Instead of just assigning a specific label, a professional might describe your condition as a mild, moderate, or severe personality disorder. They will also identify the specific traits that are causing you difficulty. This nuanced approach helps your therapist create a treatment plan that is truly tailored to you and your unique needs. The goal of a diagnosis isn’t to put you in a box; it’s to give you and your therapist a clear map for your healing journey.

The link with other mental health conditions

It’s very common for someone with a personality disorder to also experience other mental health challenges. In fact, the two often go hand in hand. For example, the emotional distress and relationship difficulties that come with a personality disorder can contribute to conditions like depression or anxiety. The struggle with impulse control might also lead to issues with substance use as a way to cope with painful feelings.

This overlap is important for your therapist to understand. When you begin therapy, your provider will look at the whole picture to see how different conditions might be influencing each other. Addressing co-occurring issues is a key part of effective treatment. Recognizing that these mental health problems are connected can be validating and helps ensure your therapy addresses all the factors affecting your well-being.

How do personality disorders affect daily life?

A personality disorder isn’t just a label; it’s a deeply ingrained pattern of thinking, feeling, and behaving that can make navigating the world feel like a constant struggle. It affects how you see yourself, how you interpret the actions of others, and how you respond to the ups and downs of everyday life. While the specific challenges vary depending on the person and the type of disorder, the impact is often felt most intensely in two key areas: managing emotions and maintaining relationships.

These patterns often begin in adolescence or early adulthood and can feel like they are simply part of who you are. But they are not your identity. Understanding how these patterns show up in your daily life is the first step toward finding new, healthier ways to cope and connect. With the right support, it is possible to learn skills that help you manage these challenges and build a more stable, fulfilling life.

Difficulty managing emotions

For many with a personality disorder, life can feel like an emotional rollercoaster. One source describes the experience as having “no emotional skin,” where even a small comment or a passing glance can feel intensely painful and overwhelming. It’s a state of constant vulnerability where your emotional responses are dialed up to the maximum, often without warning. You might experience rapid, intense mood swings that feel confusing and exhausting, both for you and the people around you.

This isn’t a matter of being “overly dramatic” or “too sensitive.” Your brain and body can react to a perceived threat, like a friend not texting back, as if it’s a real and immediate danger. You might logically know your fear is out of proportion, but you still experience the full force of the emotional spiral: panic, then anger, then shame, and finally, self-blame. Learning to manage these intense feelings is a core part of psychotherapy and a key to feeling more in control.

The impact on relationships at home and work

When your emotional world is in turmoil, it naturally affects your connections with others. Relationships, whether with family, partners, or coworkers, can become a source of significant stress. A deep-seated fear of abandonment, for example, can lead to behaviors that inadvertently push people away, creating the very outcome you were trying to avoid. You might find yourself in intense, conflict-filled relationships, struggling to find a stable middle ground between idealizing someone and devaluing them.

At work, difficulty managing emotional reactions or interpreting social cues can lead to misunderstandings and friction with colleagues. At home, it can create a tense environment where loved ones feel like they are walking on eggshells. It’s important for everyone to remember that these relational patterns are a symptom, not a character flaw. Through therapies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), you can learn skills to better understand your own patterns and develop healthier ways of relating to others.

Which therapies help with personality disorders?

If you’re living with a personality disorder, therapy is the most effective path toward managing your symptoms and improving your quality of life. Finding the right therapeutic approach is a personal process, and what works for one person might not be the best fit for another. The good news is that several evidence-based therapies have proven to be incredibly helpful. The goal of psychotherapy is to help you understand your condition, learn new ways of thinking, and develop skills to handle difficult emotions and situations.

Working with a therapist, you can explore which method resonates most with you. Some therapies focus on building specific skills to manage emotions in the moment, while others help you understand the deep-rooted patterns that influence your behavior. Many therapists use an integrated approach, combining elements from different models to create a treatment plan that is tailored specifically to your needs and goals. This collaborative process ensures that you feel supported and understood as you work toward lasting change. The key is to find a compassionate professional you trust to guide you on this journey.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)

Dialectical Behavior Therapy, or DBT, is a type of therapy designed to help you build practical skills. It’s especially effective for those with borderline personality disorder. The core of DBT is learning how to manage intense emotions, cope with stress in a healthy way, and improve how you interact with others. According to the Mayo Clinic, DBT teaches skills to handle difficult feelings and reduce self-destructive behaviors. It combines individual therapy sessions with group skills training, giving you a supportive environment to practice new strategies for mindfulness, distress tolerance, and emotional regulation.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a goal-oriented approach that helps you recognize and reframe unhelpful thinking patterns and behaviors. For personality disorders, CBT can be very effective in reducing mood swings and anxiety. The therapy operates on the idea that our thoughts, feelings, and actions are all connected. By learning to challenge negative thoughts, you can change your emotional responses and behaviors. At Renewal of the Mind, we use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to help you develop healthier coping mechanisms and improve your relationships, giving you more control over your daily life.

Mentalization-Based Therapy (MBT)

Mentalization-Based Therapy (MBT) focuses on helping you understand your own mind and the minds of others. To “mentalize” means to make sense of your thoughts, feelings, and intentions, as well as those of the people around you. This therapy encourages you to think before you react, which is a critical skill for managing the interpersonal difficulties that often come with personality disorders. MBT helps you step back from intense emotional reactions and consider different perspectives. This process can lead to more stable relationships and a stronger sense of self as you learn to understand your own and others’ thoughts and feelings.

Schema Therapy

Schema Therapy goes deeper to address long-standing, self-defeating life patterns, known as “schemas.” These schemas often develop in childhood and can contribute to the challenges of a personality disorder. This therapy helps you identify these core patterns, understand their origins, and work to change them. Schema therapy integrates techniques from CBT and other approaches to heal these emotional wounds. The goal is to help you break free from negative cycles and meet your core emotional needs in a healthier way, allowing you to build a more fulfilling life.

Transference-Focused Psychotherapy (TFP)

Transference-Focused Psychotherapy (TFP) is a type of psychodynamic therapy that uses the relationship between you and your therapist to create change. In TFP, the emotional reactions that come up during sessions (the “transference”) are seen as a window into your internal world and relationship patterns. By exploring these dynamics in a safe space, you can gain powerful insights into your emotions and interpersonal difficulties. This approach helps you develop a more integrated sense of who you are and learn to regulate your feelings more effectively, leading to healthier relationships outside of therapy.

Why a blended approach can be effective

You are not limited to just one type of therapy. In fact, a blended or integrated approach is often the most effective way to address the complexities of a personality disorder. A good treatment plan might combine individual therapy with group sessions, family education, and other supportive services. This allows you to build a wide range of skills and gain insights from different settings. Our collaborative approach at Renewal of the Mind means we work with you to create a personalized plan that draws from various therapeutic models, ensuring your treatment is as unique as you are.

How therapy helps you regain control

Living with a personality disorder can often feel like you’re a passenger in your own life, carried along by intense emotions and reactions you don’t understand. It’s a frustrating and isolating experience. The goal of therapy isn’t to erase parts of your personality; it’s to help you get back into the driver’s seat. Through a collaborative and supportive therapeutic relationship, you can gain a deeper understanding of your inner world and develop practical skills to manage it.

This process is about empowerment. It’s about learning to take control of your thoughts, feelings, and actions so you can build a life that feels stable and fulfilling. With the right guidance, you can learn to navigate challenges with confidence and build the healthy, connected life you deserve.

Learn to regulate your emotions

If you’re dealing with a personality disorder, you know that emotions can feel overwhelming, arriving with the force of a tidal wave. Therapy offers you a life raft. The first step is learning that you don’t have to be swept away. A therapist helps you learn to name your feelings without judgment, which is a powerful skill. Instead of just feeling “bad,” you can start to identify if you’re feeling abandoned, angry, or ashamed.

This process, a core component of psychotherapy, helps you get a better sense of control over your thoughts and feelings. You’ll learn techniques to pause between a feeling and an action, giving you the space to choose a more thoughtful response. It’s not about getting rid of your emotions, but learning how to hold them without letting them take over.

Pinpoint triggers and build coping skills

Once you begin to understand your emotional landscape, you can start to map it out. A therapist will help you become a detective in your own life, identifying the specific situations, thoughts, or interactions that trigger intense emotional responses. These triggers can be subtle, and having a trained, objective partner helps you see patterns you might have missed on your own.

Recognizing your triggers is half the battle. The other half is building a toolkit of coping skills. This is where therapy becomes truly practical. You and your therapist will work together to find strategies that work for you, whether it’s mindfulness exercises, breathing techniques, or communication scripts. Modalities like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) are excellent for developing these concrete skills, helping you manage difficult emotions and reduce impulsive behaviors.

Develop a stronger sense of self

A personality disorder can sometimes make it feel like you don’t know who you really are beneath the symptoms. Your sense of self might feel unstable, shifting depending on your mood or who you’re with. Therapy provides a safe, consistent space to explore your identity. It’s an opportunity to ask big questions: What do I value? What are my strengths? Who do I want to be?

Working with a compassionate therapist helps you piece together a more coherent and stable self-image. This isn’t about creating a “perfect” version of you, but about accepting all parts of yourself and building self-esteem from a place of authenticity. As you build this stronger foundation, you’ll find that your decisions and actions start to align more with your true values. The therapists at Renewal of the Mind are committed to supporting you on this journey of self-discovery.

Improve your communication and relationships

When your inner world is in turmoil, it’s incredibly difficult to maintain steady, healthy relationships. You might find yourself in cycles of conflict, misunderstanding, or withdrawal. The skills you learn in therapy have a direct and positive impact on your connections with others. By learning to regulate your own emotions, you become better equipped to handle disagreements and navigate social situations calmly.

Therapy also teaches you the mechanics of healthy communication. You’ll learn how to express your needs clearly, set boundaries respectfully, and listen with more empathy. Many therapeutic approaches, like Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), include specific modules on interpersonal effectiveness. These skills help you break destructive patterns and build the trusting, supportive relationships you crave. You can learn to connect with others without losing yourself in the process.

What to expect from therapy

Starting therapy can feel like a big step, and it’s completely normal to wonder what it will actually be like. Knowing what to expect can help ease some of that uncertainty. Therapy is a collaborative space where you and your therapist work together toward your goals. It’s a process built on trust, open communication, and a shared commitment to your well-being. Let’s walk through what the first few sessions might look like, how you’ll set goals, and what it means to commit to the journey of change.

Your first few sessions

Your first few appointments are all about building a foundation. This is a time for your therapist to listen and for you to share your story in a safe, non-judgmental space. They will ask questions to understand the challenges you’re facing and what you hope to gain from therapy. While listening is a huge part of it, your therapist will also begin to offer initial thoughts and suggest ways to approach certain problems. The goal of these early sessions is to establish a connection and begin outlining a path forward. This initial therapeutic process is crucial for building the trust needed for deeper work.

How to set achievable goals

Therapy is an active process, not a passive one. A key part of the work is learning new skills to manage your emotions and navigate life’s challenges more effectively. To do this, you and your therapist will work together to set realistic and achievable goals. These goals aren’t about becoming a different person overnight; they are small, manageable steps that lead to a more stable and fulfilling life. Whether it’s improving communication in a relationship or learning to handle distressing emotions, these goals give your sessions direction and purpose. A method like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is often structured around these very goals, helping you track your progress along the way.

Committing to the process of change

Meaningful change takes time and effort, and it’s important to know that the path isn’t always a straight line. There will be moments of breakthrough and weeks where you feel stuck, and both are normal parts of the process. Recovery is possible, and it comes from consistently applying the tools and skills you learn in your sessions. Committing to therapy means showing up for yourself, even on the hard days. With a compassionate and collaborative approach, your therapist will be there to support you, celebrate your progress, and help you get back on track when you face setbacks. Your dedication is what turns therapeutic insights into lasting change.

Debunking myths about therapy for personality disorders

Misconceptions about personality disorders can create a lot of fear and prevent people from seeking the help they deserve. It’s time to clear the air and separate fact from fiction. Understanding the truth about therapy is the first step toward feeling empowered to make a change. Let’s walk through some of the most common myths and replace them with what we know to be true about the path to healing and self-understanding.

“Personality disorders are untreatable”

This is perhaps the most damaging myth of all, and it’s simply not true. While there isn’t a magic “cure,” recovery is absolutely possible. The Canadian Mental Health Association puts it perfectly: recovery is possible and real. It isn’t about becoming perfect or never having a bad day. Instead, recovery means learning the tools and skills you need to manage your emotions and live a stable, fulfilling life. Therapy provides a structured, supportive space to build these skills. With commitment and the right guidance, you can see significant, lasting improvements in your well-being and relationships.

“Therapy is a quick fix”

It’s natural to want to feel better as quickly as possible, but therapy for a personality disorder is a process, not an event. It takes time to unlearn deep-seated patterns of thinking and behaving that have developed over many years. As the Mayo Clinic explains, learning to manage emotions, thoughts, and behaviors is a gradual journey. Most people who stick with treatment find that it makes their lives much easier and helps them feel better about themselves. Think of it as building a new foundation. It requires patience and consistent effort, but the result is a stronger, more resilient you.

“All therapists are equally equipped to help”

Finding the right therapist is key. Personality disorders have specific complexities, and effective treatment requires a therapist with specialized training and experience. Not every counselor has the background needed to provide the most helpful care. Effective psychotherapy often involves specific, evidence-based approaches. Modalities like Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) are specifically designed to address the challenges associated with personality disorders. When you’re looking for support, it’s important to ask about a therapist’s experience and the types of therapy they practice to ensure you’re getting the best possible care for your unique needs.

The role of your support system

Healing doesn’t happen in a vacuum. While therapy is your dedicated space for growth, the people around you play a significant part in your journey. Building a strong support system, which includes your loved ones and your therapist, creates a foundation of stability and understanding. This network is crucial for navigating the challenges of a personality disorder. When you feel seen and supported, you have more strength to do the hard work of therapy and create lasting change in your life. It’s about having people in your corner who are willing to learn with you and cheer you on.

How loved ones can offer support

For friends and family, the most powerful thing you can offer is your presence. Living with a personality disorder involves intense, often overwhelming emotions. Your loved one isn’t trying to be difficult; they are struggling with these feelings. A steady and reassuring presence can be an anchor for them in a storm of emotion. You don’t need to have all the answers. Simply listening without judgment, offering patience, and reminding them that you care can make a world of difference. Your consistent support helps create a safe environment where they feel secure enough to practice the new skills they’re learning in therapy.

Help your loved ones understand

It can be frustrating when the people closest to you don’t seem to get what you’re going through. A helpful step is to guide them toward understanding. You can share articles, books, or videos that explain the disorder in a clear, compassionate way. When loved ones take the time to read about BPD or other personality disorders, it can be a turning point. This knowledge helps replace confusion and fear with empathy. It allows them to see the challenges you face, not as personal failings, but as symptoms of a condition you are actively working to manage. This shared understanding can mend and strengthen your relationships.

Why your connection with your therapist matters

Your therapist is a unique and vital part of your support system. This professional relationship is built on trust, safety, and a shared goal: your well-being. Therapy provides a confidential space where you can be completely honest about your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment. This is where you can explore your emotions, identify triggers, and develop healthier coping strategies. A strong connection with your therapist is essential because it models what a healthy, stable relationship feels like. This bond allows you to feel secure enough to tackle difficult issues and gain a better sense of control over your life.

Is recovery from a personality disorder possible?

Yes, absolutely. While living with a personality disorder presents unique challenges, it’s important to know that recovery is not just possible; it’s a realistic goal. With the right support and commitment, you can learn to manage your symptoms and build a life that feels stable and rewarding.

The path to recovery looks different for everyone. It’s not about erasing your past or becoming a different person. Instead, it’s about gaining understanding, developing new skills, and creating a future where you feel more in control of your emotions and your life.

What “recovery” really means

When we talk about recovery from a personality disorder, we aren’t talking about a “cure” or achieving perfection. Recovery is a journey, not a destination, and it won’t always be a straight line. It means learning the tools and skills you need to manage difficult emotions and build a life that feels fulfilling to you. It’s about reducing the frequency and intensity of distressing symptoms so they no longer control your daily decisions and relationships.

Through consistent psychotherapy, you can learn to recognize your patterns, understand your triggers, and respond to situations in healthier ways. Recovery means you can have stable relationships, pursue your goals, and feel a stronger sense of who you are.

Why the goal is a better quality of life

The ultimate goal of therapy is to improve your overall quality of life. Many people with a personality disorder find that their symptoms lessen over time, especially with treatment. Learning to manage your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors is a process, and while some challenges may remain, therapy can make them much easier to handle. The aim is to help you live your life more fully and feel better about yourself.

Effective treatment, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), is always tailored to your specific needs and goals. It provides a supportive space to work through difficulties and build confidence. The focus is on making practical, positive changes that allow you to function better at home, at work, and in your relationships.

How to find the right therapist for you

Taking the first step to find a therapist is one of the most powerful things you can do for yourself. It can also feel a little overwhelming. With so many options, how do you find the person who is truly right for you? Think of it less like a search and more like building a partnership. The goal is to find a professional who not only has the right skills but also makes you feel safe, heard, and understood. Your connection with your therapist is the foundation for your work together, so it’s worth taking the time to find a great fit. This means looking for someone with the right expertise, trusting your intuition during initial conversations, asking good questions, and making sure the practical details work for your life. It’s a process of discovery, and every step helps you get closer to the support you deserve.

Look for specialized experience

When you’re dealing with the complexities of a personality disorder, you want a guide who knows the terrain. It’s important to find a therapist who has specific training and experience in this area. Look for professionals who list evidence-based modalities on their profiles, such as Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Schema Therapy, or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). A therapist with this specialized background understands the unique challenges you face and has a toolbox of proven strategies to help you build skills and create lasting change. Don’t hesitate to look for a specialist; it can make all the difference in your progress.

Trust your gut feeling

Beyond credentials and specializations, your personal connection with a therapist is one of the biggest factors in whether therapy will be successful. This is what we call the “therapeutic alliance,” and it’s all about feeling a sense of trust and rapport. During your first few interactions, pay attention to how you feel. Do you feel comfortable opening up? Do they listen without judgment? Do you feel like they genuinely want to understand your perspective? You can often get a sense of a therapist’s approach by reading their profiles. Getting to know the therapists at our practice can be a great starting point to see who you might connect with.

Ask the right questions

Many therapists offer a brief initial consultation, which is a perfect opportunity for you to ask questions. Remember, you are interviewing them just as much as they are getting to know you. This is your chance to make sure their approach aligns with your needs.

Come prepared with a few questions, such as:

• What is your experience working with clients who have similar challenges to mine?
• Can you describe your therapeutic approach?
• How will we work together to set goals and track progress?
• What can I expect in our first few sessions?

A good therapist will welcome your questions and provide clear, thoughtful answers. This conversation can help you gauge your compatibility and decide if they are the right partner for your journey.

Consider the practical details

Finally, you need to find a therapist who fits into your life logistically. Think about the practical side of things. Is their office location convenient for you, or do they offer virtual sessions? Does their availability match yours? What are their session fees, and do they accept your insurance? These details might seem small, but they are crucial for consistency. Finding a therapist whose practical arrangements work for you removes barriers and makes it easier to commit to the process. Most psychotherapy practices are happy to provide this information upfront to help you make an informed decision.

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Frequently Asked Questions

How do I know if I have a personality disorder or if I’m just a very emotional person? It’s normal for everyone to have intense emotions sometimes. The difference with a personality disorder is that the patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving are rigid, long-term, and cause significant distress across almost every area of your life, from your job to your closest relationships. It’s less about having strong feelings and more about those feelings consistently leading to painful or chaotic outcomes. The only way to know for sure is to speak with a mental health professional who can conduct a thorough evaluation.

If these patterns are lifelong, does that mean I can’t change? Not at all. While it’s true that these patterns are deep-seated, “change” doesn’t mean you have to become a different person. Instead, therapy helps you build awareness of these patterns and gives you practical skills to manage them differently. You can learn to regulate your emotions, communicate more effectively, and respond to situations in healthier ways. Recovery is about gaining control and building a better quality of life, not erasing who you are.

How long does therapy for a personality disorder typically take? There isn’t a set timeline, and it’s important to know that this is a journey, not a quick fix. These patterns developed over many years, so it takes time and consistent effort to build new ones. Effective therapy is a long-term commitment, but that doesn’t mean you won’t see progress along the way. You can start to feel more in control and see improvements in your relationships as you learn and apply new skills.

My loved one shows some of these signs. What is the most helpful thing I can do? It can be incredibly difficult to watch someone you care about struggle. One of the most powerful things you can do is offer patience and a non-judgmental ear. Try to understand that their intense reactions are a symptom of their pain, not a reflection of their character. You can also gently encourage them to seek professional help and offer to support them in that process. Remember to also take care of yourself and set healthy boundaries, as supporting someone with a personality disorder can be demanding.

What if I’ve tried therapy before and it didn’t help? It can be really discouraging when therapy doesn’t seem to work, but please don’t give up. The success of therapy often depends on two key things: your connection with the therapist and their specific expertise. Finding a therapist who specializes in personality disorders and uses evidence-based methods like DBT or CBT can make a world of difference. It’s worth trying again to find a professional who feels like the right partner for you.